At This Present Time // December Musings

OUTSIDE
the air has taken on the familiar pale hue of winter, where nature's brighter colours have dimmed,
and everything seems more alert - or more defined - by a particular crispness that only winter knows...

READING

Pride and Prejudice ... finally.
I always knew I was a Jane Austin fan; ironically, I haven't read any of her books until now.
I'm also reading The Lamb's Supper. I recommend every Catholic read this to gain a deeper understanding & appreciation for the Mass!

CREATING

a crocheted table runner for my mother, and a stack of Christmas art cards for family & friends

THINKING

a lot about humility vs. pride
hmm ... new post soon?

LEARNING

Beethoven's Sonata in G minor, op. 49, no. 1

STUDYING

intensely with pre-cal & chemistry & english 12

BAKING
a stove-top cheesecake for my birthday on the 5th.
yes, I made my own birthday cake.

WATCHING

Star Wars, in preparation for the release of The Force Awakens this month!

LISTENING

Sibelius: piano works ... as well as my "Fall Tunes" playlist

PONDERING

the little way of St. Therese ... how to live more simply & with more dedication to everyday tasks

The last of the Autumn leaves are falling from the trees...

p.s. The idea for this post came from Gabrielle's post at Quietly Pondering Truth

Greetings, Autumn, my dear old friend.

The past few months I have greatly enjoyed the warm embrace of your predecessor, Summer, but if I am to be completely honest, the season I await with the most anticipation every year is you, Autumn. I think that you are the season which is most often misunderstood, however; for me personally, you are the one whom I love the most.

Anyone who thinks of you as the season with the disagreeable temper, well! This is what I appreciate the most in you. I find a lot more pizzazz in your temperament than any of your brethren. Every morning I wake I cannot wait to peer through my curtains into the dim morning light to see what weather you have in store for us that day. And whatever weather it may be, it is always a lovely surprise. 

Some may claim your colours to be monotone, dull and dead. These people must certainly be blind, for have they not seen the shimmering of your golden hues as the morning dew and sunlight settle on them? Indeed, you carry more gold in your  pocket than all of the other seasons. And to those who speak of your leaves as "dead," surely these people have never seen them dance on a windy day. Now that is truly a fantastic sight.

Autumn, you are truly a remarkable and lovely part of God's Creation. I adore your soft, dark colours that make it feel so warm in a cold room. I love going for walks and watching the maple leaves fall slowly from the trees above me. I enjoy doing my school work beside the roaring fireplace, cosily wrapped in blankets, with a steaming mug of chai tea beside me. I love how your weather always calls for knitted sweaters, hats, scarves and boots: Fall is certainly my favourite season for fashion. 

“Steam rising underneath a canopy of whispering, changing aspens; starlight in the clear, dark night, and wondrous beauty in every direction. If only all could feel this way, to be so captured and enthralled with autumn.” 

― Donna Lynn Hope

Saint Faustina Kowalska

Sister Maria Faustina Kowalska: my confirmation saint.

I was blessed to be able to visit her shine and hometown in Krakow, Poland when I was twelve. A beautiful place...

Summer 2015 // video

Thanks to you all who helped make this past summer the best one I've had yet. I made so many wonderful new friends and memories, and I feel so blessed...

The Perks of Travelling With a Guy in a Cassock

I was sitting at the kitchen table this morning, daydreaming and looking out the window, while my English assignment lay, for that moment, forgotten before me. I was watching two hummingbirds dance through the outside garden, their bright neon-coloured feathers glinting in the sunlight. These beautiful, flitting creatures got me thinking.

Coming back from the mission trip, I had five flights from Piura to home. For the first two flights I traveled with the rest of the group to Miami, and from there we said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. It just so happened that I had two of the same flights as CJ, a fifth year seminarian who came with us on the mission. It was quite the experience, travelling with a guy in a cassock.

I think that sometimes it can be easy to start despairing about the condition that our world is in, and how messed up it is. But travelling with a guy in a cassock helped me realize and discover much of the goodness this world has to offer, and to see things which I wouldn't have otherwise seen. It's kind of like this whole underground movement... which is quite amazing when you discover it. However, I believe that it's about time that us Catholics stopped going underground. We need to start being more open about our faith.  Not nearly as many people will have their curiosity sparked if we are not obviously different from everyone else, and clear about what we stand for. So many neat things happened with CJ, such as random people asking him questions, and strangers coming up to him and introducing themselves. They were all positive responses, too.

He had this one awesome conversation in an airport hair salon/shoe-shining place with three black people who sounded like they were from Mississippi. The conversation was all about the ideas our culture has about homosexuality and all the problems it's creating. One guy said (and you can imagine this being said in a Southern accent), “It just don't make no sense! The parts don't fit!”

Anyway, do you see my point? If CJ hadn't been wearing his cassock, and wasn't being so obviously different from everyone else, these things would never have happened. By being more open about our faith, we're also showing others that it's okay to do so, and you don't need to be afraid or ashamed of being Catholic. We also can't despair about the state of this world – we must have hope in the goodness that still exists. Honestly, though, there is no point in getting depressed and sad about how messed up things are. That's only adding to our problems! Indeed, we must always have hope, and while living this life of hope we can spread it to others.

The pair of hummingbirds I was watching this morning were what inspired this post. Hummingbirds are such pretty little things - at first they don't seem to have a lot of colour, but then all of a sudden, when light glints off of their feathers, you see a dazzling array of colours. They go from flower to flower, collecting pollen, and then in turn the flowers gain life. This is what we have to do with ourselves - use the grace that God gives us and do our very best to spread it around to others. If we despair, if we think there isn't any point in trying, our grace will die out - our colours will fade. Also, there is much more beauty and goodness out there than you might first think, like I discovered while travelling with CJ. Besides, it's not as bad as Athanasius had it - back in his day, it was just him against the world. And guess what: the church still survived. The church has survived through all the major empires of the past 2000 years. All because we've got Christ on our side. Now isn't that an awesome reality.

"I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."

"What are we holding onto, Sam?" 

"That there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo... and it's worth fighting for."

Perelandra

You know how when you just finish reading the last page of a really good book, and you put it down, stare into nothing (or everything, whichever you want to call it), and you find yourself so in awe and wonder that you're helpless to do anything because you're just so overcome by emotion? Well, that was me a moment ago. I am currently reading C.S. Lewis' space trilogy, and I just completed the second book, Perelandra. It's been said numerous times before but I'll gladly say it again: C.S. Lewis certainly has a way with words. His ability to create new worlds, people and feelings and make them all so real and complete, is just incredible. Indeed, I wish I had a fraction of the intelligence and imaginative abilities that Lewis had, just so I could accurately describe all of my thoughts right now!

The book made me feel both joyous and very sad. Joyous, mainly because of the ending, which describes the "Great Dance." This Dance is what will come after the end of the worlds - which is actually the Beginning, not at all the end - and how fantastically beautiful it will be. Even with all of the incredible descriptions that Lewis gives of it, he still stresses the fact that it will be more glorious than we could ever imagine.

Yes, the book made me sad, also. This is because of the way Lewis describes the planet Perelandra. This planet is perfect, beautiful, and free from sin... very similar to what the Garden of Eden might have been like before the Fall of Man. Dr. Ransom (the main character), when he finds a small lie coming out of his mouth, immediately discovers the air, atmosphere, or whatever it is, forcing himself to correct the lie he uttered. There are no such things as deceit and lies in this world.

Another interesting thing is how pleasure is depicted in Perelandra. There were certain experiences and foods that gave Ransom far more pleasure than anything he had ever found or tasted on Earth, and yet: he discovered that he had zero desire to over-indulge or have more of the pleasureful substance than he needed.

To clarify, what makes me sad is the thought of the world we missed out on because of the Fall - and all of the beauty, majesty, purity and innocence of it. In the book, the "Green Lady," after it was suggested to her that she might disobey Malildil (God), replied with something like, "Why would I even think of disobeying Malildil? It gives me the greatest pleasure of all just to do his bidding. I would never want to do anything to the contrary of His Will." Imagine a world where no one did anything except that of His Will... it would solve all of our problems!

All in all, it was a fantastic read, and I can't wait to delve into the third book of this trilogy. Perelandra helped me to come to a greater understanding of the Fall of Man and how it may have come about - other than the facts we know from the Book of Genesis and from what the Church teaches.

I definitely recommend anyone who loves CS Lewis, sci-fi or philosophical fiction to read this trilogy! Not to mention any of his other books, as well. Reading the Chronicles of Narnia was one of the best parts of my childhood :)

Peru Mission Trip

Poverty wasn't a total reality for me until I actually saw it first hand. You can watch movies and documentaries and read books, but they really don't cut it. Going on the Peru mission trip was a very eye-opening experience for me. I came to the full realization that people actually live in shacks with dirt floors. They drink murky, contaminated water. They sleep with the whole family piled into one straw-stuffed bed.

In many ways, however, I love the country of Peru much, much more than our own. The materialism of North America and the false sense of true happiness which this can bring, saddens and disturbs me. I would be happy to live in Peru, where the people have few belongings, yet great hearts and an abundance of faith. Of course Peru has its own problems, too. They're one of the reasons we went there. But they are completely different from the problems we have in our own country.

A big realization I came to was how much I take for granted in my own life. There was one old man on his death bed, to whom one of our priests gave Holy Communion and Last Rights. The last time he had the opportunity to receive the Eucharist was over thirty years ago. When I first heard about this, it really hit me how blessed I am - I go to mass every Sunday, and can go every day of the week if I wish to...

Indeed, the most important thing that we could give these people was the Sacraments. All of the villages have chapels, but most of them go for months without a mass said in them. All of our priests were busy, day after day, offering mass in numerous little villages, going off on “communion calls,” etc. It was amazing to see how grateful the people were, and even though the majority were not familiar with Latin Mass, they seemed to really appreciate it. One boy was asked what he thought of the Latin mass, and he answered, “I liked it a lot more than our regular mass - it was very beautiful and reverent. I also liked the way the priest was facing towards God, and not the people.” That boy was only nine years old.

Santissimo Sacramento Parish, where we stayed, was very beautiful. When I first walked through the front doors, I was in awe of the place. The buildings in Piura are not the same as our buildings back home – everything is very open. In the parish complex, there was no front door, and few doors separating rooms – just archways. There was art everywhere, and some of the walls had art painted right on them. There were many pictures of Blessed Mother Theresa, for she is very loved among the poor.

Padre Joseph is the priest at Santissimo Sacramento, and for the past twenty years he has been taking care of his 20,000 plus parishioners in Piura. I was blown away by the amount of good that he and the parish do for the Peruvians. Indeed, I saw the effects of their works first hand – they have a program there called “Family to Family,” in which an American family donates $300 a year for food for one particular family in Piura; this is just enough food for them to feed themselves. The day that I helped in the distribution of this food, one old man told us, with tears in his eyes, that since his wife passed away last year, the parish's monthly food donations were all that were keeping him alive. It was incredibly moving to see.

One of my favourite of the work assignments which we were given each day was the house building. Seeing a house just spring up in a day was pretty neat, although at the same time quite mind-boggling... Just seeing the kinds of quarters that the Peruvians there actually live in is hard to wrap your mind around. The floors were dirt, the walls were weaved bamboo, and the main structure of the houses were bamboo poles.

Helping at the hospice was also quite something. It really helped me to see the kinds of things which I might do one day if I become a nurse. I saw some very horrific afflictions right before my eyes, such as a man with such horrible scoliosis that he could not move out of bed, a 35-year-old woman, all skin and bones, who suffered from Polio since she was 4, and an old man with terrible bed sores, some of which were the most deep and awful wounds I have ever witnessed. We clipped these patients' nails, moisturized their skin, cleaned their wounds, and fed them lunch. I even shaved one old guy! - and nicked his cheek at one point, oops.

Another one of my favourite jobs was teaching English at the school. The man who oversaw us was so grateful for those who came that day, and for us to help the kids with correct pronunciation with English words. If any of the kids there would like to go to university in the future, it's required for them to know English. So in the first classroom, I was paired with two boys and one girl, and practiced with them the correct ways of asking and answering questions. In the second classroom, I helped teach the months of the year. I actually felt like a real teacher, walking around the classroom, and asking them to "repeat after me." The cool thing is that I could actually see myself doing that one day - teaching in a classroom, organizing lessons for children... hmm. Something else to think about.

We went to visit the Hogar (orphanage) many times while we were there, which was quite special. The girls were all sent there by their families to escape the dangers of the jungle. These girls were so very sweet, and I befriended one in particular, whose name was Rosemery. It was interesting to see the difference between the children in Piura and the children back home... the Peruvian children just seem so innocent, and so good. Kids in America lose their innocence at far too young an age...

One of the purposes of the trip was to light a fire in the hearts of us young people which we can bring back to North America. This fire - this burning love of Christ - is what our country needs most. I've really found this fire in myself since I came back from Peru, and I know that it's vital to feed the fire in order to keep it alive. And I need to keep this fire alive in myself, and do my best to spread and ignite it in the hearts of others, as well. Altogether I had such an amazing experience in Peru. I hope to come back to the same mission next year. Who knows, maybe if if become a nurse one day I'll go there to help in the hospice. The past week and a half I've been camping at Two Jack Lakeside with my parents, and I've had a lot of time to just sit and think about everything. There has certainly been a lot to process. The things I shared above are only small details of the many stories I have to share. This mission trip has changed my life, and I will be forever grateful that I had the opportunity to be apart of it. Thank you all so much for your prayers and support!

Distributing clothing

Cute kids

In front of the roof we built

Mass at the Hogar

Stein Traverse

A little over a week ago, I got home from the 9-day grad hike. First big epic thing of my summer - check! What was it like? Well... the most physically challenging thing I have ever done. And I do not regret going at all. I don't think I'll do it again anytime soon, though. My knees are shot. On the last evening of the hike, we took a whiskey bottle, put notes written to our future selves in it, and buried it under a rock. So one day, I will have to come back - we all agreed on having a Stein Traverse Reunion 10 years from now.

Really, though, it was an amazing hike with a wonderful group of people.  All of the difficulties we faced just made it more memorable. They were also all strangely symbolic of the whole "entering into adulthood" thing, which was kind of the theme of the hike for us grads. In a recent email, our hike leader wrote: "In many ways I'm so glad the trip was so tough and sometimes so scary.  Whatever challenges and obstacles may come your way in future my dear young people you will often be able to say to yourself 'Ha! Not as tough as that day on the Stein Traverse!'"

Here are a couple photos from the trek. The views were gorgeous up there... and the wildflowers...

Wanderlust

[won-der-luhst]
(n): a strong, innate desire to travel or rove about
word origin: German, literally means: wander desire


Ever since I was a little girl, I absolutely loved to go exploring new places. This was probably mostly from the influence of my older sister, who first ignited in me such a desire of adventure. Esther and I are quite similar, but also different in many ways - which is of course to be expected with sisters. She has always been more tom-boyish than me, but I think that both of us still are a balance between being girly and a tom-boy.

 There lies a small island nestled near the Swartz Bay harbour in Sidney, B.C. My grandparents own a cabin on it, and they generously lend it out for their extended family members to use when they like. I've been coming there a couple of times a year for the past ten years or so, and the island certainly holds a special place in my heart.

 The reason why I am bringing this island up is because I would like to recount one of my early childhood wanderlust experiences there. The Island is populated with approximately one hundred-thirty houses, almost all of them waterfront. There is only one gravel road, and there are no cars there except for the fire trucks. On the inside of the road, in the center of the island, there is a fairly large expanse of forest, with hiking trails winding throughout it.

 One day when I was about eight years old and my sister was twelve, we thought up a great game for ourselves when spending a Summer weekend on the island with our parents. We decided that we would explore the forest wherever our feet would take us. However, we had one strict rule: there was to be no stepping on any paths. When coming across a path, we would have to turn away and walk another direction, or else simply jump over it. We took this rule very seriously, and it was plenty of fun and caused quite the excitement. It did include a lot of tricky steps and bush wacking, for both our legs became very scratched up by the end of it; but to our delight we discovered many interesting things in the process. For example, we found a little secret pond, where lily pads floated on the surface of the water and where frogs sang their croaking song. A fascinating old deer carcass was found beside the pond, which we examined with great interest. The most special discovery of all was a magical little area of green rolling hills that were covered in Arbutus trees and spongy moss. Which, predictably, we ended up naming The Land Of The Mossy Hills.

 We played the game many more times over the years, and it was always fun, but never quite as exciting as that very first time. This was because we had already explored the entire island, and knew most of the secrets to be found there. It was time for another adventure. This is partially the point of wanderlust. It is the innate desire to travel, rove about, and seek new places and spaces. To cross and leap over the dependable paths to see what adventure is on the other side. To find out what lies in the unreliable wilderness, and see things you've never seen before. Feel emotions to a height you've never felt before. Breathe in air you've never breathed before. Don't get me wrong, it is always nice to visit places that are more familiar. I love coming to the Island now just as much as I did when I was eight years of age. But there's still something to be said about that exhilarating thrill you get of a new sight, a different place, an unknown trail.

 There has been many a time when I've imagined myself somewhere else in the world. I might currently reside in a beautiful place here on Vancouver Island, British Columbia, but I still like to travel to other countries; whether I visit them in my imagination, in blogs and pictures on the internet, or actually visit them in reality. The latter is always preferred, of course! This big green, blue and brown globe of ours is just so full of glorious places to be discovered, with views that are to die for, peaks of mountains that stretch above the clouds, and incredible cathedrals with great pillars of art and architecture.

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”

-Saint Augustine

The Art Of Being A Woman

I feel a lot of passion about all things feminine and beautiful, unique and creative. For a woman to be modest she doesn't have to wear drab clothing or a bag over her head; in fact, we can embrace our modesty and femininity by being creative in how we dress. I recently found out about a magazine called Darling: The Art Of Being A Woman, whose message I find very inspiring.

Our culture is anti-feminine in so many ways that I was very surprised to find out about Darling magazine. It makes me happy to read things in Darling's message such as "beauty apart from vanity," "women without degradation," and practicing the "arts of virtue, wit, modesty and wisdom," and saying that we are "here for a purpose" and not just per-chance; even hearing the word "femininity" alone is all so surprising! For about the past 50 years it has seemed like certain important attributes of our sex have been greatly diminishing. The basics of our feminine qualities have been lost in so many ways. Judging by things I've been coming across lately, though, it seems to me that femininity just might be coming back in style, slowly, but surely. I've seen this in websites, magazines, and even in clothing - isn't it interesting how vintage clothes are "in" right now? Go into many stores now and you'll find 50's dresses, maxi skirts, rompers, and cute swimwear that remind me of the adorable swimsuits that Allie wears in "The Notebook."

Our culture tells us that in order to be real women we must wear whatever we want, do whatever we want. Now, I think that some of the feminist ideals are good, such as the stance that we should always have equality with men. However, our society has taken this too far. In different ways, many women have degraded themselves to be below men. More than ever, women are being treated like objects, and the saddest part about this is that the majority don't even realize it. I am ashamed that our culture has actually come to the place where it's telling girls that you can use your body to get what you want. It seems that women are viewed as objects, to be used for men's own pleasure, and our society tells us that if you don't act like an object, you will not be appreciated; it is the only thing you are good for. I recently read a post online in which the writer said she saw another article stating that "women should bare 40% of skin to attract men." Girls, do you really want to attract the kind of man who want to use and look at your body as an object? Do you want the kind of man who will be attracted not to your wit, intelligence and inner beauty, but rather to your skin and outer appearance? It is not the outside of you which defines you as a person. It's the inside. What lies in the heart and personality is what truly makes you, YOU. I also believe beauty on the inside will show itself in how you present yourself on the outside. Remember that what you wear and how you act hint at what lies inside you.

"No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful." 

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Summer plans

I have so many cool things planned for this summer. I will be starting July off with a nine-day backpacking trek in the Stein Valley, where I'll be hiking with 14 other teens and two chaperons. I'm quite excited about it since we have a great group of people going. The trail also has some interesting history with the Aboriginal people.

Following this hiking trip, I will be heading off to Whistler to see my cousins who are vacationing there for a week. We've planned lots of mountain biking, hiking, and swimming, so it should be a lot of fun. My cousins and I usually spend the end of July at Piers Island, where my Oma owns a cabin, but this year will unfortunately be the first year that we won't have this annual Island family reunion, because...

...I am going to Piura, Peru! Yes, that's PERU! I know, I still can't quite comprehend it... One of the things on my life bucketlist is to see South America, and when my dad found out about a FSSP mission that is going there, my opportunity arose. I will be there for ten days and doing work such as distributing food and water to the poor, working at the local parish's school, orphanage and clinic, and helping to build houses and other facilities. I can't wait to get to know the people and culture there, and from what I've heard, Peru is a really neat place.

Many people have asked me if I'm going to Machu Picchu, and unfortunately, I'm not... it's not exactly near where I'm going, and plus it wouldn't be safe for a white girl to travel in Peru alone. Maybe someday I will go back to see that fascinating place in the Peruvian mountains, but it's not for this year.

After Peru, my parents and I are heading off to the Rocky Mountains to go camping and hiking. My family has gone to the Rockies almost every summer for quite a few years now, and we just can't get enough of its glorious mountains, meadows, and lakes. They honestly seem to get more beautiful every year... I can't wait to go back again.

Finally, after all of these adventures, I will have one or two relaxing weeks at home before the school year starts up again. These weeks will probably be spent picking the produce of our yard, with all of its blackberries, apples, beans and various other fruits and vegetables, and during the really hot days we'll most likely hang out at the lake with friends.

Music Playlist

The school year is soon drawing to a close, and I have definitely found myself longing for summer. I tend to revamp my music playlist every few months, and always make a fresh one at the start of my summers. So on some of my recent studying breaks I've been busy accumulating songs, some old, some new. In fact, I like the idea of posting mini playlists on here - I think I'll do more of them every once in a while! Each one I do will probably differ a bit in genre and style.

Overall, grade 11 was a good year, however, it was also very busy. Next year I'm hoping to make more time for art and music, particularly piano. I won't even have a lot of time for them this summer because I'm gone almost the entire two months. It's funny - every year I tell myself that I'm going to have a relaxing, low-key summer mostly spent at home, and every year that ends up not being the case... Oh, don't get me wrong, I am very excited for the summer ahead of me (I will write about it soon), but I would like to try and make next year's summer months a little more slower-paced if I am able.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the playlist, as well as the amazing hot weather we've been having lately!

Shoot for the Sun

When I was a little girl, I believed that the sun was heaven. Yes, that big ball of fire in the sky above us was heaven. I never quite decided if heaven is a place where God lives, or a place of God's Being - as in a place so consumed with God's love and presence that it just is God.

Now this concept made sense in my six year old and developing mind. It is difficult to imagine, especially as a kid, heaven not being a place and not having a specific location. Therefore, I decided to believe that heaven was the sun.

Sometimes, I still think that heaven could be the sun.

Think about it.

Its energy sustains all life on earth. Without it we wouldn't be here.

We can't reach it, or even get close to it. Not while our souls are still in our earthly bodies.

It is, quite literally, the "light of the world."

And the stars - those miniature versions of the sun - are God's angels and saints, sent out to watch over the world while we sleep. Or, perhaps they're the light from the lanterns they carry through their nightly vigil.

As a Roman Catholic, I believe that in everything we do, we must strive for perfection, with heaven as our ultimate goal. "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect..." (Mat 5:48) Christ calls us to be mediators of his love, and to spread the message of the Gospel to the whole world. He tells us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and visit the sick and imprisoned (Mat 25:36), and in doing these works to the best of our ability, we are striving for perfection.

We are called to do as much good in the world as we are able. To spread happiness and love wherever we go.

So walk in the light, and shoot for the sun... "because even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars."