She felt so empty - a vast, stagnant pit lay deep within her soul. She knew not how to rid herself of it - how to fill it with the simple joy of her childhood that now only lingered in her memory with a sweet fondness. She knew not what to change, for she had already achieved all the world's high expectations of success. She had always been among the smartest in her classes, and the initials behind her name certainly reflected her intelligence. She had become quite wealthy, and her social standing in society was high. Single-handedly she had raised her one child, who was becoming a confident and ambitious young woman, aiming for all her mother's achievements.
She had all this, and yet something was still missing. She felt its absence, for it was nudging her mind, her conscience - and she knew that there had to be more to her existence. The city seemed to be crowding her mind - all of its noise, lights and distractions suddenly felt unbearable. She couldn't focus on the inner voice which kept trying to speak to her, the voice that was so desperate for her attention. She knew she wouldn't find peace until she took the time to listen to it.
She drove out of the city, left her car by the side of the road, and walked out onto a forgotten trail that wound through the trees. The breeze of the air felt so refreshing on her face. As she walked further, she began to hear flowing water somewhere to her left. Stepping a little ways off the path, she found a small river, with water more clear than any she had seen in a long time. A childhood memory came into her mind, of when she had been playing with her little brother. They were wading in a stream, splashing water at each other, and laughing until their stomachs hurt. At the memory, a childish smile spread over her face, and she quickly pulled off her socks and shoes. Sitting on the river bank, she dropped her feet into the water, splashing herself a little. Its coldness hit her like a slap in the face - and her senses felt more awake and more alive than they had ever felt in a long time.
Lying down on the moss behind her, she sighed, smiled again, and closed her eyes. She began to doze, her mind drifting off into subconsciousness, and she started dreaming. In her dream, she was standing in the middle of the river, looking up into the bright sky. She fell to her knees, lifted her arms upwards, and cried out, "What is it I'm doing, that isn't right? There's a void in my heart, and it's wanting to be filled. Lead me, save me. Give me your grace." The most beautiful feelings and graces proceeded to flow into her and around her: they were like a mirage of radiant colours, colours which she had never seen before. The colours spoke of joy and simplicity, forgiveness and mercy. Seeing these made her know, with utter certainty, that she was loved, fiercely loved. And she also knew, somehow, that it had always been so, even if she hadn't realized it.
She woke up, feeling confused, and remembered nothing of the dream. As the day's light was beginning to fade, she quickly put on her shoes and socks, and hurried back to her car. Once she arrived back at the city, she parked her car on a street to run a few errands. Walking down the street, she noticed beside her the great stone cathedral that she used to attend on Sundays with her family as a child. Without knowing why, she felt compelled to walk up the steps and open the large wooden doors of the church. As soon she stepped inside, the doors having shut behind her, the first thing she noticed was the sense of pure peace lingering in the air - a feeling so refreshing after coming from the noisy streets of the city. She looked up the aisle to the front of the church, and her eyes rested upon the crucifix above the altar. She gazed at the man upon the cross, who, she thought with curiosity, seemed to be looking down directly at her. From a cut in his side flowed blood and water, his hands and feet had great nails driven through them, and a crown of woven thorns was placed upon his head. She was filled with deep compassion for him, for she couldn't imagine being able to bear such extreme suffering and humiliation.
Suddenly, the man on the cross spoke, his voice cascading through the echoey church and seemingly directly into her mind. “My daughter, how much longer will you keep me waiting?” She looked right into his eyes, and there she saw spectacular, radiant colours - colours out of this world, colours she could not hope to name. Memories of her dream in the forest flooded back into her mind. Falling to her knees, she bowed her head, and cried.
