November Musings // and a new name

After months of trying to come up with an original new title for my blog, I've given up and have decided to revert back to the title of my first debut into the blogging world, from quite a few years ago: Knots of Thoughts. More and more lately I've been using this space to write on just that - my knots of thoughts. Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. It's a way of sorting out my jumbled mind into something more clear and coherent, and also a way of releasing those emotions that can sometimes get too intense for me to handle. This is why I have a personal diary. Sometimes, though, I feel the need to share these thoughts and emotions, which is why I also have this blog. And I don't only like to share my thoughts - I also love sharing little snippets of this beautiful life and world we live in, whether it's through photography or other little mementos of existence. I do not have many readers, but I do appreciate the few ones I have. Many thanks to you, dear readers, for your comments, your own wonderful blogs, and your friendship.

Now that I've announced this change, here is some of what I've been up to...

ENJOYING

This wonderful time of year. That glorious feeling when you step outside on a sunny day, being able to soak up that vitamin d, and yet still having to bundle up with boots and a scarf because of the oncoming winter chill.

READING

Ice Road by Gillian Slovo

An interesting novel, and full of Russian history that I admit I'm finding difficult to distinguish and keep track of. It is a good read however.

PLAYING

A bit of Grieg. I'm working on memorizing Notturno, op. 54, no.4. "Notturno" means "nightpiece," and my favourite thing about this work is that it brings you right into its setting. When I play it, I can actually hear the stillness of nighttime, the sounds of nature, and nocturnal animals at work.

LISTENING

To more podcasts. I'm finding it a great use of my time while driving or doing chores like raking leaves (the entirety of one side of our property is lined with maple trees, so you can imagine the amount of leaves there are to rake up...)

PONDERING

Something that was brought up in a Catholic Answers podcast I listened to recently. Which is greater: to love, or to be loved? Not disregarding the importance of the other, but the answer is that it is greater to be loved, for God loves us insurmountably. What a comfort that is. To know that you are always loved. Always cared for. No matter what you do.

Starving for Wisdom

Wisdom, understanding, counsel, knowledge, fortitude, piety, fear of the Lord. The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. Lacking in some causes an imbalance in others. Today, it is easy to become obsessed with knowledge and information. To discover the secrets of the universe, to uncover the depths of biology, to keep pushing the limits of science to see how far we can go. All are admirable goals; to have a sense of awe and wonder for our world is a very good thing. But if we become so obsessed with finding answers and obtaining all the information our brains can hold, there sometimes is no room left for other gifts, particularly of wisdom.  In our world, the gift of wisdom is one often overlooked. The danger is that our minds will start to drown in information, our souls left starving for wisdom. Wisdom is something that we all want, I think. But we don't always know to ask for it. It is so easy to become swept up in the moment and in the passion of discovery, with the consequences of dealing with unwise choices. One may have all the knowledge of the world, but without wisdom, one cannot know how to use this knowledge for the good of humanity.

Photo from Pinterest

Thoughts on Beauty & Art

Pictures taken at the Montreal Gallery of Fine Arts

Earlier this year I went to visit Montreal, Quebec. One day, while walking the cobblestone streets, I passed by a large, grotesque statue of a naked man - if it could be called a man. He had strange-looking, broken wings. There was a rectangular hole that went right through his torso, and out of this hole came what looked like tangled vines and a pair of grasping hands. The statue had no distinguishable face - it was simply a mass of human hands.

Looking at this statue revolted me, and made me think about how much art has changed in the past century - particularly in the past few decades. It's almost as if the entire purpose of art has flipped around. It's purpose used to be for pursuit of beauty, which reflected the truth and goodness of God and his created world. Especially in earlier centuries, it was often used to depict stories centering around the Christian faith - whether they were depictions of stories from Scripture, of saints, or of otherworldly places such as Heaven. Of course, there were also more disturbing paintings and sculptures made which depicted subjects such as visions of Hell or demonic images. The purpose of these grotesque subjects, however, was to alert people to the reality of evil which is, ultimately, a good thing. Much of the uglier art of today certainly does not have this purpose - rather, it seems to be for the enjoyment of, and the attraction to, the darker side of life.

While in Montreal, I also went to visit the city's fine arts museum. It held many wonderful galleries of art. One of my favorite exhibits was the Renaissance exhibit where a lot of Italian work was on display, as well as the Golden Age exhibits showing work from The Romantic, Baroque and Classical periods. We then came to the gallery of contemporary art. Almost immediately upon entering the room, my head started hurting. The wall in front of me was filled with massive canvasses of so much color my eyes watered from looking at it. One canvas, stretching almost the entire length of the floor to the ceiling, was entirely neon orange, with a black dot directly in the center. Another work was simply even, bold stripes of color in no recognizable pattern. In the middle of the room sat strangely-shaped furniture, sporting the same bold colors of the surrounding paintings. It was almost as if I was in the tackiest room of IKEA, except worse.

What has happened? What has art become? In our age, new ideas are encouraged - we are prodded to think outside of the boxes, to push past artistic boundaries. And this can be a good thing. But the problem is that we have lost our ideals. We have lost our concepts of beauty and truth. Today, the purpose to create art has changed. Today, its seems as though we create art for the sole purpose of being disturbing, to do everything in our power to not make something beautiful - but in a way that hides this fact by writing the word "creativity” in front of it.

I do not mean to condemn all modern art. In fact, there is some modern art that I like very much. But for the most part, our post-Christian culture no longer believes that the depiction and pursuit of truth, beauty and goodness should be vital to our artistic expressions, as was believed in former times. So the question is, can Christian artists today again take up the challenge to serve God by creating works that are truly beautiful? A great Catholic contemporary artist, Michael O'Brien, is a shining example of this kind of artist. From a letter O'Brien addressed to his fellow artists came the following prophetic words, words I wish all modern artists would heed: “Beware the current schools of criticism and norms in fiction and the other arts. Please don’t bow to them, don’t succumb to their rationale, which would bend and reshape your beautiful gift according to their subjective criteria and their blurred motives. Don’t become a victim of this colossal peer pressure. Don’t become a tool in the hands of the state, or the academy, or an art-guru, or any other dimension of the social revolution that is presently afflicting Western civilization.”

On Vulnerability

I was sitting amidst the crowd, and yet still apart. For a long while I stayed there, silently watching the group of people surrounding me, people deep in conversation and bonding through it. Though all coming from diverse backgrounds, they all had one main commonality in the faith they shared. Connections were being made, lives were blending, hearts were mending. These people, I realized, are a truly beautiful community. How wonderful it was for us all to be able to come together in unity. And what a sight for me to watch: the laughs, the tears, the stories, the hearts being poured out. It was the perfect example of the trust we put in each other when sharing the deeper bits of ourselves.

To find people we can connect with, to share our inner longings, and to be passionately zealous about our faith with others is an beautiful gift, and something so important to hold on to. It's incredible, really, to watch people bond and relate with one another.

It's something I've always had trouble with. To share myself, to let others peek into the dusty corners of my soul and mind – corners I allow few to touch but God and myself. Even then, I can still be shy. But this shyness – which has it's place, for I believe everyone should be guarded to a certain extent – can be my downfall. I have been coming to the realization lately that it's okay to let my guard down once in a while. I can turn back those dusty corners, and I can let the sunlight in.

Bit by bit, I'm learning. I'm learning that it's okay to be vulnerable. Because that's what it means to be human. It's how we live, heal, and create friendships with one other: by sharing the deeper, more vulnerable, and most beautiful parts of our souls.

Frames of summer // random thoughts

I.  I changed a few things up here, as I'm sure you've noticed. Some more changes in design will be coming, when I have some time to work on them... I'm also contemplating a new blog title, and any ideas are greatly appreciated! (Yes, I know I just did this earlier in the year but I'm already getting tired of my current name).

II.  I am feeling so overjoyed about the canonization of Mother Teresa. She was one incredible, beautiful soul and will forever be one of my greatest role models. Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta, pray for us.

III.  Also, just a moment of recognition for Scott Hahn: I've been reading a couple of his books this summer. His words have been incredibly helpful for me and have made me want to continue learning as much as I possibly can about my faith. There is so much to be discovered, so much to be read, and I am absolutely thrilled by this. The more I learn, the more I love...

IV.  One more thing: an excerpt from the Velveteen Rabbit, a favourite childhood book of mine. I recently rediscovered it, and this is just too wonderful a quote not to share:

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.' 

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.  

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.' 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'  

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

August Musings

Busy, busy, busy. I always think my summer is going to be slow and relaxing, and that I'll be hanging out with friends and spending time at the little things I love, but that just never seems to be the case. Especially this summer. This has been the first where I've been working full time. Most of the time I'm helping at a small private ESL school, and once a week I'm a page at my local library. I enjoy working at both, but it is really hard to get up at 6:30 every morning. Almost painfully hard. But I really shouldn't be complaining, I'm so blessed to have these two wonderful jobs. As to the time that I am not working, here is some of what I've been up to...

HARVESTING

Dozens of buckets and bags full of our yard's apples and blackberries. We have so many this year that we can't even pick them all! Friends, family, come on over and help yourselves!

CREATING

Or rather, thinking of creating... I just bought a new mixed-media sketchbook, and I hope to spend more time on my weekends sketching and painting in it.

RELYING

So much on coffee. I have one cup every morning, maybe a bit more if I'm feeling particularly tired. It's my fuel for the day, and I have this terrible feeling that I'm becoming addicted...

DISCOVERING

That even though it's difficult for me to be working 9 hours a day, I like the steady schedule. I feel productive and motivated when I work this hard, and it is a good feeling.

READING

ABC Murders by Agatha Christie. I'm not entirely sure whether I like to read mystery stories or not - Agatha Christie's books are so good and so agonizingly suspenseful that I can't decide if the torture they put me through is truly worth it!

BEING
So beautifully content. Despite my complaints of being busy, I am actually having a truly wonderful summer, and am finding myself more and more content in life and in Him.

Be Joyful in the Good

 “Something I constantly notice is that unembarrassed joy has become rarer. Joy today is increasingly saddled with moral and ideological burdens, so to speak. When someone rejoices, he is afraid of offending against solidarity with the many people who suffer. I don't have any right to rejoice, people think, in a world where there is so much misery, so much injustice.

I can understand that. There is a moral attitude at work here. But this attitude is nonetheless wrong. The loss of joy does not make the world better - and, conversely, refusing joy for the sake of suffering does not help those who suffer. The contrary is true. The world needs people who discover the good, who rejoice in it and thereby derive the impetus and courage to do good. Joy, then, does not break with solidarity. When it is the right kind of joy, when it is not egotistic, when it comes from the perception of the good, then it wants to communicate itself, and it gets passed on. In this connection, it always strikes me that in the poor neighborhoods of, say, South America, one sees many more laughing happy people than among us. Obviously, despite all their misery, they still have the perception of the good to which they cling and in which they can find encouragement and strength.

In this sense we have a new need for that primordial trust which ultimately only faith can give. That the world is basically good, that God is there and is good. That it is good to live and to be a human being. This results, then, in the courage to rejoice, which in turn becomes commitment to making sure that other people, too, can rejoice and receive good news.”

― Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

A Dangerous World

I just finished reading The Screwtape Letters, and so lately I've been thinking a lot about the struggle of the human will between good and evil. As Screwtape writes in one of his letters, God has created a truly "dangerous world" - a world in which "moral issues really come to the point.”

Screwtape is right, for God did make the world dangerous when he gave us free will. Free will allows us to fully appreciate God's goodness through a choice, but we can also make the choice to go in the opposite direction and walk away from Him. Each of us has been given the ability to make decisions that will affect our souls for eternity - and this can be a terrifying thing to ponder. But isn't it this very danger that makes goodness itself beautiful? For how can we fully appreciate goodness without the existence of evil? How can we see beauty without there being ugliness? How can we recognize light without darkness? There are endless examples of this intriguing truth. Our ability to discern and make choices may be dangerous, but it is this very danger that makes the reality of life all the more beautiful.

June Musings

OUTSIDE

Lilacs and roses are blooming everywhere, and their sweet scent blows in the wind. Our own garden looks like a picture at the moment, and bouquets of the flowers picked from it fill every room of the house. 

READING
The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. I am thoroughly enjoying the book – it is quite entertaining and full of wisdom.

PLAYING
Lots and lots of Bach. His pieces are so satisfying to play, and I'm discovering them to be a great alternative of warming up the fingers to the boring, repetitive scales I've been playing for years.

LISTENING
To what I'm sure will be my Summer-go-to playlist. I've been slowly adding my favourite tunes to it over the past month or two, and I rather like it. It contains a lot of music by The Lumineers, Vance Joy, Kodaline, Hozier, Birdy, etc...

DISCOVERING
That I'm happiest on a strict schedule. I've always known this, but it hasn't been until this past year that I've been very good at following one. With a schedule, I get my work done, I have more time to spend on hobbies and other things, and I'm just plain happier in general. It also applies to my sleeping habits – I always do best with going to bed at 10:30 and getting up at 7:30. It's so easy to stay up too late, and I don't like sleeping in, so my days end up being very slow because I'm feeling tired and sluggish. Lately I've been triumphing over this struggle, and I am so much happier and relaxed because of it.

TRAVELLING 
From Montreal! My parents had to go there for work-related reasons, so I got to come along just for the fun of it. It was a pretty amazing week, despite having to work on my studies at the same time. Some of my highlights were visiting the incredible cathedrals that looked like they belonged in Europe, walking down the romantic cobblestoned streets of Old Montreal, and visiting St. Joseph's Oratory, founded by St. Brother Andre (patron of Canada).

STUDYING
(and almost getting fed up with) my chemistry course. It gets a little exhausting after you've done a couple hundred multiple choice questions in preparation for the final exam. But I have to do well in it if I am to fulfill my aspirations of becoming a nurse one day!

EATING
Lots of chef salads, full of good things like colourful veggies, boiled eggs, ham, and cheese. I've also been blending lots of smoothies. It has been so hot outside lately, and these foods are perfect for this weather.

Saint Joseph's Oratory, Montreal

Creativity: A Lost Art?

I made an account on Pinterest about four years ago. Since then, my pins have slowly accumulated to a few thousand, a number I am almost embarrassed of. I have to say, though, that I am in love with the site. There are millions of amazing ideas on there. Most of what I pin consists of crafts and art ideas, writing prompts, hairstyles, clothes, and Catholic-related things. Through my "Apparel"  board, my sense of style has changed over the past few years, and I would say that it has definitely improved for the better. I've also discovered many inspiring Catholic writers and saints whose quotes I've pinned just because I loved them so much. And my art and crafts boards certainly have aided in motivating me to spend more time creating.

But when it comes down to it, can we really claim that Pinterest is fueling our creativity? Before the age of Pinterest (and google, in general), people's creative ideas came from all over the place. Sitting on the bus, they'd pass a lonely-looking old man hobbling down the street, and suddenly find that this old man inspired them to write a poem. Or they'd bump into a friend wearing a shawl, and they'd make a mental note to find out how to crochet something similar themselves. Or they're just sitting down and having tea in the living room, when they're struck by what a lovely still-life pencil sketch the flowers and coasters on the coffee table would make.

I'm sure that these random bursts of creative inspiration still come into the heads of Pinterest-users, and they still do for me, as well - but I don't think I can deny that I often have the urge to copy someone else's work that I find online. For example, maybe I feel like going outside to sketch the trees - but first I'd probably run a search on pinterest to look at another's use of shading techniques before I do so. Perhaps I wouldn't even end up going outside at all - I might just stay at my desk, ideas flowing from my computer screen. We can certainly learn from others, but I think that the danger that can come from copying another's work is that, if it's done too much, we will lose our own unique touch and personal style.

I think that most of us who use Pinterest regularly have to admit that it is somewhat of an addiction. Not all addictions are necessarily bad - I just believe that Pinterest, as well as all other forms of social media, must be used in moderation. Personally, something which I enjoy, and which I don't find anything particularly wrong with, is scrolling down my Pinterest feed near the end of my day. My work is finished, I'm feeling quite tired, and I just want to spend a few moments doing something pleasurable while drinking my herbal tea. In this context, I think my use of Pinterest is justified. But if I am wasting my time by just scrolling through pictures of cute puppies, or being on there when I should be doing something else, I hope I'd be able to recognize this as a mindless use of my time, and close my laptop right away.

So I guess my question is, in the long run, is the use of Pinterest contributing to the development of our creativity, or not so much?

Dusk

We went for a walk through a marsh at dusk last night. It was beautiful. Birds were singing, the sun was setting over distant hills, and the honey-like scent of cottonwood and wild roses lingered in the air.

I've always felt so in awe of those magical moments in time that seem like incredible gifts coming directly from God. They're as if He's stretching out his hand, letting us peek in and gasp in amazement as this magnificent aura seeps out and overwhelms us with its beauty. The marsh last night was like this. Unfortunately my camera does not bode well in low light, so very few of the pictures taken are worth sharing...

May Musings

Life has been plodding along in a rather satisfactory and steady manner lately. Thankfully April didn't decide to live up to its name as far as weather goes - it has been quite lovely outside this past month. A little while ago I cleared out my closet, pulled out my Summer clothes, and have been enjoying being able to go outside with just a light summery dress on. 

READING

Just Send Me Word by Orlando Figgs.

A fascinating novel and true story about love and survival in the Russian Gulag.

PLAYING

A far bit of Domenico Scarlatti.

I am not too familiar with his music, but lately I've quite enjoyed sight-reading his sonatas.

THINKING

About what my summer will be like ... it will be quite the contrast from last year's summer since I will be working full time. 

I do hope I will have time to spend on art, though, something of which I've been neglecting lately.

COOKING

The most delicious red wine and garlic mushrooms sautèed in a pan. Recipe here.

GARDENING

My annual potted herbs that I harvest for tea. I love my little garden - I have four varieties of mint, lemon verbena, lemon balm, lavender, and a few more. I find gardening to be such a soothing hobby and it is so nice to have something to take care of and check up on every day.

DREAMING

About writing a novel. Dozens of ideas for a plot and characters have been popping into my head lately.

I've wanted to write a novel since I was a little girl, but it's just a matter of enough time to do it...

WALKING

Down to the beach almost every day. I hope I will always be able to live next to the ocean - it's basically been my back yard for as long as I can remember, and I just can't imagine it not being so.

Discoveries

I've had quite the year. It's been a journey into discovering myself on a deeper level than I have ever before. Ultimately, it's been in Him that I've been finding myself. With the help of His grace, my faith has been, slowly but surely, strengthening. I think that the moment I really started to understand this was when I came back from the Peru mission trip last August. It was a trip that I can only feebly attempt to describe in words. It was an experience that wove this rich fabric in my soul, filled with intricate designs, embroidered by His grace. My eyes opened to witness a world I had always known existed, but was afraid to enter into. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to touch the Peruvian people's lives, and in turn, have them touch my life in a way I never knew was possible. The people in Piura have little material things, and yet the love in their hearts - the love they uphold for their family and community - gave them so, so much.

On my flights coming home from the mission trip, I remember having this burning desire within me to stay in Piura, and to live amongst the poor there. I didn't want to come back home to North America - a lost, materialistic nation governed by narcissism and greed. But then, one day, I happened across some words of Blessed Mother Teresa's:

"Stay where you are. Find your own Calcutta. Find the sick, the suffering, and the lonely right there where you are — in your own homes and in your own families, in your workplaces and in your schools. You can find Calcutta all over the world, if you have the eyes to see. Everywhere, wherever you go, you find people who are unwanted, unloved, uncared for, just rejected by society — completely forgotten, completely left alone."

Find your own Calcutta. Upon reading these words, I knew, with a sudden urgentness, that I am called to stay right where I am. Perhaps, some day, I will again journey out to the third-world as a missionary, if He wills it. However, for now, I know that it is here that He wants me to spread the glory of His Word. Here, in a country starved of Love; or rather, a country that has starved itself of Love.

The Dream

She felt so empty - a vast, stagnant pit lay deep within her soul. She knew not how to rid herself of it - how to fill it with the simple joy of her childhood that now only lingered in her memory with a sweet fondness. She knew not what to change, for she had already achieved all the world's high expectations of success. She had always been among the smartest in her classes, and the initials behind her name certainly reflected her intelligence. She had become quite wealthy, and her social standing in society was high. Single-handedly she had raised her one child, who was becoming a confident and ambitious young woman, aiming for all her mother's achievements.

She had all this, and yet something was still missing. She felt its absence, for it was nudging her mind, her conscience - and she knew that there had to be more to her existence. The city seemed to be crowding her mind - all of its noise, lights and distractions suddenly felt unbearable. She couldn't focus on the inner voice which kept trying to speak to her, the voice that was so desperate for her attention. She knew she wouldn't find peace until she took the time to listen to it.

She drove out of the city, left her car by the side of the road, and walked out onto a forgotten trail that wound through the trees. The breeze of the air felt so refreshing on her face. As she walked further, she began to hear flowing water somewhere to her left. Stepping a little ways off the path, she found a small river, with water more clear than any she had seen in a long time. A childhood memory came into her mind, of when she had been playing with her little brother. They were wading in a stream, splashing water at each other, and laughing until their stomachs hurt. At the memory, a childish smile spread over her face, and she quickly pulled off her socks and shoes. Sitting on the river bank, she dropped her feet into the water, splashing herself a little. Its coldness hit her like a slap in the face - and her senses felt more awake and more alive than they had ever felt in a long time.

Lying down on the moss behind her, she sighed, smiled again, and closed her eyes. She began to doze, her mind drifting off into subconsciousness, and she started dreaming. In her dream, she was standing in the middle of the river, looking up into the bright sky. She fell to her knees, lifted her arms upwards, and cried out, "What is it I'm doing, that isn't right? There's a void in my heart, and it's wanting to be filled. Lead me, save me. Give me your grace." The most beautiful feelings and graces proceeded to flow into her and around her: they were like a mirage of radiant colours, colours which she had never seen before. The colours spoke of joy and simplicity, forgiveness and mercy. Seeing these made her know, with utter certainty, that she was loved, fiercely loved. And she also knew, somehow, that it had always been so, even if she hadn't realized it.

She woke up, feeling confused, and remembered nothing of the dream. As the day's light was beginning to fade, she quickly put on her shoes and socks, and hurried back to her car. Once she arrived back at the city, she parked her car on a street to run a few errands. Walking down the street, she noticed beside her the great stone cathedral that she used to attend on Sundays with her family as a child. Without knowing why, she felt compelled to walk up the steps and open the large wooden doors of the church. As soon she stepped inside, the doors having shut behind her, the first thing she noticed was the sense of pure peace lingering in the air - a feeling so refreshing after coming from the noisy streets of the city. She looked up the aisle to the front of the church, and her eyes rested upon the crucifix above the altar. She gazed at the man upon the cross, who, she thought with curiosity, seemed to be looking down directly at her. From a cut in his side flowed blood and water, his hands and feet had great nails driven through them, and a crown of woven thorns was placed upon his head. She was filled with deep compassion for him, for she couldn't imagine being able to bear such extreme suffering and humiliation.

Suddenly, the man on the cross spoke, his voice cascading through the echoey church and seemingly directly into her mind. “My daughter, how much longer will you keep me waiting?” She looked right into his eyes, and there she saw spectacular, radiant colours - colours out of this world, colours she could not hope to name. Memories of her dream in the forest flooded back into her mind. Falling to her knees, she bowed her head, and cried.

New life

"No rain, no flowers."

March Musings

OUTSIDE

you can tell that spring is peeking just around the corner –

to see if winter has announced he's ready to retire,

and to decide as to whether or not she should begin to show her face...

READING

The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis.

a thought-provoking, shorter piece of fiction. the last few chapters made me tear up...

CREATING

a landscape watercolour painting.

my art hasn't been enough of a priority lately - I am trying to make it more so.

LEARNING

that maturity & growing up comes with a lot of random light bulbs ... and burnt bulbs

STUDYING

still with pre-cal, chem and english

COOKING

much more frequently, and enjoying it.

I've been experimenting with different delicious dinner dishes lately.

LISTENING

to the album "The Chopin Project" by Olafur Arnalds

PONDERING

C.S. Lewis: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less."

On the Importance of Silence

“We need to find God and God cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature — trees, flowers, grass — grow in silence; see the stars, the moon, the sun, how they move in silence. The more we receive in silent prayer, the more we can give in our active life. We need silence to be able to touch souls. The essential thing is not what we say, but what God says to us and through us. All our words will be useless unless they come from within — words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness.” - Mother Teresa

The sound of waves softly breaking against the shore, the mournful call of the gulls, and even the unmistakable scent of the sea – all of these are things that I find draw me closer to God and to the beauty of nature that comes from Him. Growing up by a bay and having the chance to go for almost daily walks on the beach has enabled me to greatly appreciate the chance for quiet and contemplation that the ocean seems to offer. In our culture, it seems almost impossible to make time for silence and lengthy personal prayer, and so one of my favourite ways to spend my frequent walks by the sea is to be accompanied by my rosary. Truly, “silence” is a word unbeknownst to most in our society, and as Catholics in this day and age, we have to always be attentive to the state of our personal prayer life. It is so easy to fall out of the habit of daily prayer, and so difficult to get back into.

I appreciate what Pope Emeritus Benedict has to say about the importance of silence: “We live in a society in which it seems that every space, every moment must be filled with initiatives, activity, sound; often there is not even time to listen and dialogue. Dear brothers and sisters! Let us not be afraid to be silent outside and inside ourselves, so that we are able not only to perceive God's voice, but also the voice of the person next to us, the voices of others...Holiness, in fact, never loses its own power of attraction, it is not forgotten, it never goes out of fashion.” Here, Pope Emeritus cannot stress enough the importance of both interior and exterior silence. Silence may be a fearful thing to the modern person. Their everyday life is filled with noise, activity, and constant action. Go into any store, and you will find music playing, music which is often spiritually destructive. Walk down the street in a city, and you will encounter endless lights, noise, cars, and other distractions. Watch the parking lot of a supermarket, where people fight for parking stalls, and rush in and out of the store, always in great hurries. The business in our materialistic world seems endless.

Learning how to have inner silence is directly associated with becoming a better listener. Listening for God's voice, while keeping an open mind, can help us grow in humility and trust in God. As Proverbs 17:24 states, “A man of understanding sets his face towards wisdom, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.” It is especially important to listen for God's voice in silence because God will provide direction and guidance when we are in need of assistance. It is difficult, if not near impossible, to hear His Will if our lives are full of constant distractions. If we are in difficulty and are suffering, and we call on the Lord in silence with an open heart, God will hear us and answer our prayers - even if it is in a way that we do not at first understand.

Silence also serves truth. The way to truth is not always through speech; not every truth is to be blurted out. We must use caution and prudence when telling others about a truth they may be blind to. When evangelizing to someone about the Faith, it is crucial to realize what sort of person we are talking to, and to understand where they are coming from in life. Rather than first speaking out and rashly stating our minds, prayer in silence will help us know what is best when being a witness to the Faith.

It is essential for us to spend time with God in silence throughout all the year, but Lent in particular is a special time for this. We detach ourselves from worldly things during this time in the liturgical year, and replace them with prayers and offerings to the Lord. Lent may seem intimidating to some - what with knowing how we are called to further detach ourselves from material things during this time, and add extra spiritual prayers or exercises to our lives. All of these things that we are to work on during Lent have the purpose of helping us grow in holiness. Our material needs and earthly attachments are just fleeting moments in time compared to what awaits us after death. In fact, they are completely insignificant in relation to time, since time does not even exist after death - at least not in a way which we can possibly comprehend.

This Lent, I encourage you to spend more time with the Lord in silence. Do your utmost to better your inner prayer life, however you can. Put aside a little time each day to be alone with your rosary, and to pour out your worries and thoughts to Our Lady, who will in turn hand them to God. Perhaps this time can be spent in Adoration, or alone in your room, or walking down by the ocean as I like to do. Don't be afraid to be alone in silence, for as Saint Bernard wisely said, “Never less alone, than when alone!”

Waters of Salt

Waters of salt, acres of sand,
lying here on this peaceful land.
Down I peer to the rocks below,
so jagged and sharp – a sailor's foe.
Stretched out sea, no land in sight,
the view is vast – earth's curve is slight.
Shriek of a gull, a mournful sound,
I watch it dive to a clam on the ground.
Daring, mysterious, and carefree –
It takes more than words to define the sea.

PLEASE TAKE NOTE: New Blog URL

Hello my blog readers! No doubt that upon reading this you have noticed my new blog title and and design. "Courage, dear heart" is a quote from one of my favourite childhood books, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader," by C.S. Lewis.  I would like to keep all of my previous posts on my blog, so instead of creating an entire new blog, I am just changing the title and web address. This means that the URL "thoughsparklingeyes.blogspot.ca" will very soon cease to work! Please take note that my new blog address will be www.sarah-martina.blogspot.ca.

The URL change should happen in about a week or two. If you could give me a head's up that you have read this post and noted this upcoming change, that would be greatly appreciated. Just comment below or give me a +1.

- Sarah

P.S. Does anyone happen to know what will happen to the followers on my blog when I change the web address?

Time and Eternity // Father Lasance

I thought upon the days of old: and I had in my mind the eternal years.

-Ps. 76:6.

The following are excerpts from today's reflection on time and eternity from "Lift Up Your Hearts" by Fr Lasance.

For not to hoard the golden spoil

Of earthly mines, we bow the knee - 

Our labor is the saintly toil

Whose hire is Eternity.

-Gerald Griffin

All our time is given to us in order to our employing it in the service of our Maker and by that means securing for our souls a happy eternity. 

The number of the days of men at the most are a hundred years: as a drop of water of the sea are they esteemed; and as a pebble of the sand, so are a few years compared to eternity. 

-Eccles 18:9-10

God sees everything in eternity. It is in relation to eternity that He judges and values all things. The same should be the rule of our judgments: "I had in my mind the eternal years" (Ps. 76:6) Let us consider everything from this supernatural point of view; for this will be to judge everything according to the truth. Amidst the darkness that surrounds us and often obscures our view, eternity is like a lighthouse, always shining and sending forth a bright light for those who do not turn away their eyes.

A sacred burden is this life ye bear;

Look on it, lift it, bear it solemnly;

Stand up and walk beneath it steadfastly.

Fail not for sorrow, falter not for sin,

But onward, upward, till the goal ye win.

-Anon